A trillion pieces

lil sis: how is your boyfriend?
me: o.O
lil sis: do you have a boyfriend?
me; nooooo.....
lil sis: why not?
me: (because i was stupid enough to love one who loves another) I just dnt
lil sis: then how will you get married?
me: uhm well i dnt know

My lil sister can not understand why i dnt have someone by my side, why am not head over hills about some hot cute guy. She cant get why someone could possibly not be in love.

To her love is still the most the most beautiful thing there is. she is  happy with her boyfriend, its really cute. So she was confused about why am letting such joy pass me by. I realized my lil sis has not been hurt(not in the worst way at least) , she was still innocent. Her heart was never broken into a trillion pieces. I kinda envy her.

I could not tell her my story, i didn want to relive the memories but most importantly i didn want her beautiful painting of love to be ruined so i changed the topic. But its refreshing to know someone out there still believes in love as much as i once did.

Cut off

evidently I am cut off.. Is it fair? well i cant quite tell. but one thing for sure is that it sucks a whole bunch.

Save me

i have realized something about myself , i dnt like it though, but its who i might be at the current moment. I am filled with ideas, creative , innovative ideas. but i dnt know how to share them . what am basically trying to say is i might have a communication problem. its kind of stressful.

there is one person who just gets me though, from the pieces of random information i feed them they can make out what i am trying to say. but i dnt know if they like doing being that, because i might come across as annoying and maybe even a little retarded. (i hope not)

Anyway i just thought it should be known that with me a lot great innovations might go down because of my inability to communicate information well. though i do hope it is just a temporary issue that will go away with time and practice

Maybe - Emeli Sande

I keep going through our conversations.Hoping to find answers to my questions. Though i m well aware that there is nothing there, but traces of laughter and undefined memories. 

TODAY

Tell her she will be fine

Ask her about her thoughts

Assure her the future isn't as dark

Give her a genuine smile

Hold her like you will never let go

Do it today 

Because today that's all she needs

  

i simply love this picture

the joy and beauty it represents

i ask

Why sit and try getting over someone? Did u sit n made yourself fall for them? Y try forcing that feeling of loving someone away? Do know if u will ever love again? If loving those who dnt love us back is such a horrible thing then why should we love our enemies? We cnt do time's job, let yourself be, stop judging yourself. Love while u can. In time everything will fall into place.  or not, hihi :)

to the one that leaves

As goodbye draws closer
I more than ever want to hold you
I want to rest my head on your chest
Which for some reason makes me feel at home

But i wont
I cant
Am scared to even ask
I got to keep up the pretences

Stolen Worlds

she wakes up and she reminds herself of how unreal

she reassures herself that it was just a dream

that he is never coming back for her 

that he really doesn't love her

that was just a dream, 

she wakes up in so much relief 

she smiles because its all over now

he did not really leave her

it was just a nightmare

but her smile fades 

when she realizes it was a reflection of her reality.

her reality and her dreams have merged 

she has no escape route anymore

both her worlds are a nightmare

she seeks comfort in keeping busy

but distracting the heart is unheard of

Tristan Prettyman - I Was Gonna Marry You 

I gotta go

Time to spread my wings and fly

Higher than the blue sky

Never did me any good

Waiting around

Only so much that my heart can take

It doesn’t matter what you say

Wishing for all we could-have-been

Just so you know just so you know

I never thought you'd let me go

I don’t even know the truth

Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine

Then all at once you changed your mind

And I was gonna marry you

I gotta stay

As far away as I can get

'Cause a part of me hasn’t left

If I get too close you're gonna pull me back in to

Thinking everything you said was true

But the ring around my finger proved

That I was your girl

But in the end it wasn’t what you wanted

Just so you know just so you know

I never thought you'd let me go

I don’t even know the truth

Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine

Then all at once you changed your mind

And I was gonna marry you

Yeah I was gonna marry you

Take all the words you’ve spoken

And the promises you’ve broken

And throw them all into the ocean

Just to let it be

And late at night

When you're lying in your bed alone

Wishing you were still at home

But we both know its too late

Just so you know just so you know

I never thought to let you go

I don’t even know the truth

Just so you know just so you know

I never thought you'd let me go

I don’t even know the truth

Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine

Then all at once you changed your mind

And I was gonna marry you

I was gonna marry you

What should i do

I sit here today, my eyes full of tears.
but i refuse to let them run
i refuse to let them wet my cheeks.
but why am i teary?

I cant really explain why
but i feel misunderstood
i feel unknown
Like a stranger in my loved ones lives

Do i not know how to express me
or they just don't pay attention
is my voice not sharp enough
or are they not even trying to listen

A friend says nobody is understood
but i beg to differ
i understand many
i can relate
but i cant make them get that i get it
that i understand

So what now
do i just keep it to myself
do i just go on like am OK
or should i run

I wan go away
to someplace unknown
where no one can come looking
where my tears can run freely

Or maybe i should just sleep
and dream
My dreams these days are better than my reality
how sad, its actually supposed to be the opposite

Not Enough Want

He does not want you, not enough

He wants to hold you but not catch you when you fall

He wants to hear you, but not listen to you when you talk

He wants to be with you but not stay with you

He wants to hold you hand but not lift you up 

He wants to dream about you but not make you his dream

He cares about you but doesn't worry about you

I VOW TO BE ME

With everything that goes on in my everyday life I dont want to wake up one day and not know who i am at all. I dont want the pain, the disappointments , the excitement to change me into anything i am not or dont ever want to be. So this is a small reminder of who Mweneni is

I vow to care for my friends

To be there for my family

To put people’s feelings first

To defend the innocent and understand the guilty

To try understanding why people do the things they do

To give people second chances

To silently question the little things I come across

To believe it’s the little things which matter

To love my hair most when it’s a mess

To love ice cream till I no longer do

To love red till another colour do us apart

To believe I can design

To think wedding dresses are amazing

To hate rudeness to its very core

To be honest

To get annoyed quickly

To never hold back tears

To let people do what makes them happy

To hate getting orders

But to like clear instructions

To stick to my biggest dream

To be overly emotional

To not know how to be angry

To always have an explanation for all I do

To think expecting the worst makes it better (it doesn’t)

To love unconditionally given the chance

To secretly always have hope

Above all I vow to be ME

LETTING GO

On some days i feel brave. When i wrote this poem it was one of those days ., just to realize my poetry skills are no more..

Its not forgetting
Its not shutting down the memories
Its not cutting all kinds of communication
Its not finding someone new
Its not being strong 

It is accepting 
It is understanding
it is taking it a step at a time
It is smiling through pain
It is th ability to see the good
To see the silver lining on your cloud